Am I moving, or not?

As you may know, I am a very career driven person.  My career is pretty much the focal point of my life.  Some may disapprove of my lifestyle, or mild obsession with my work, but I am one of the few that can honesty say that I love my job.  I go each day ready for whatever is thrown at me, because no 2 days are the same.  I work with great people and feel a great accomplishment from my day to day successes.  I have been working with the same company for almost 6 years and have been in my current role for almost 4 of them.  I haven't had much disappointment with my career up to this point, because my company is awesome!  However, I'm stressing out right now!  I'm totally putting the cart before the horse here, but this is causing severe anxiety!  Not good!  I've put my name in for a job transfer.  At first I wasn't too excited about the new location, but after having done extensive research and putting lots of thought into it, I finally started getting excited about the possible opportunity.  The city is perfect for me, it's closer to my family and it is a new challenge.  I've been here for 2 years and have learned a lot and really would like the chance to apply what I've learned to a new position.  So, here is where the anxiety is coming from: I don't know if I'm going to get the job!  I hate the waiting process, it's killing me!  Of course, I feel that I'm the best candidate, but then again...who doesn't think that about themselves?!  I interviewed this week, and should be finding out for sure next week.  I'm convinced that I'm going to have bleeding ulcers by then or have a panic attack!

Shelly came into town this weekend to have a girls weekend.  We just hung out and did a whole lot of nothing!  It was awesome!  She came in Thursday night and left Monday.  My favorite part of the weekend was Saturday.  We went to the day spa, it was awesome!  We got facials, massages, body scrubs and body wraps.  Heavenly!  

Child friendly?

I went out with Dubya this evening and we had quite an adventure.  I can't describe all of the things we experienced in this post, but there is one event that stuck out to me.  We went into a relatively nice restaurant to grab what we thought would be a nice quiet dinner.  We were seated and immediately heard the screaming of a young girl at the table next to us.  Our waiter came, we ordered food, we were conversing and having a relatively decent time.  Again, the disruptions ensued.  Throughout our meal there were tantrums thrown, drinks knocked over, unnecessary screams, demands for attention, crying, refusal to eat her food, etc.  I thought back to a recent discussion I heard on a local radio station.  The topic of discussion was on places that are/aren't appropriate to take your children.  One of the radio announcers said that children should be banned from restaurants so that innocent bystanders don't have to suffer from the dronings of angry children.  I believe that his opinion is a bit extreme, yet has some validity.  An Applebee's, in my opinion is child friendly.  But, why do people feel it's necessary to take their children to upscale restaurants?  Are their kid's taste that developed that only 5 star restaurant food will do?  Do kids not eat mac and cheese or pizza anymore?  I have no issue with well behaved children, I rather like them!  I just get annoyed when people bring their unruly children out and interrupt a meal that I pay good money to enjoy.  If I would have acted in any way as this little girl did, I would have been removed from the restaurant immediately by one of my parents until I was able to control myself.  I don't have children, so I'm not the expert on how to deal with them.  I may find out later that the solution to these problems are not at all what I think they should be.  But, nonetheless, currently I am a single person that enjoys quiet time and the ability to converse without disruption while I enjoy a meal.

FOXSexpert: Successful, Yet Single. A Uniquely Female Conundrum

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

By Yvonne K. Fulbright

 FNC

Yvonne K. Fulbright

She’s choosing not to marry. She doesn’t care if she’s attached — at least some of the time.

She isn’t problematically picky. She doesn’t have a fear of commitment. She doesn’t have any major issues or baggage. So what’s “wrong” with the single, successful, empowered female? Society wants to know. Sometimes, she wants to know herself.

We have witnessed a more dramatic change in female sexuality — and marriage, for that matter — in the last 30 years than occurred in the previous 5,000.

This is in large part thanks to enormous progress made in the realms of gender equality and greater female autonomy. With this sociological shift, we’ve seen the rise of flourishing females, many of whom are surprisingly single. The brainteaser with these deities of desirability is that many of them are choosing to be single — at least to a certain point.

Single, empowered, successful women are here to stay. Yet, with their profound presence, meeting potential partners, dating, finding romance and building relationships in the traditional American sense have been thrown into chaos.

This woman wants love, companionship, and commitment. And she’s willing to put herself out there for it. But — and this is a huge but — she’s not willing to compromise who she is or what she has rightfully earned, as is often the expectation.

While it’s easy to fault ignorant or intimidated males for not stepping up or evolving themselves, it’s no wonder that they don’t know what to do. They haven’t been bred to handle this new breed of babes. The results have been nothing but disastrous on the dating front, as women have told me:

— “My biggest problem these days is being more educated than the men I am dating. It seems to be an ‘issue’ at some level, although they don’t go so far as to say this is the real reason!”

— “I am finding that some of the men I am meeting have a lot of issues with my success. This baggage comes in the form of preconceived notions about types of women (career women, single women, etc.). They think they know everything there is to know about the ‘type’ of person I am, which isn’t always attractive, and it is simply silly …”

— “The men I date seem to think that chivalry is dead given today’s female empowerment — and it’s not! I hate not being treated like a lady on a date.”

— “I’m still waiting for the Oprah show featuring a bunch of single men lined up, ready to receive training on how to adapt to the needs and desires of today’s single, successful women — instead of it always being us accommodating them!”

In knowing these attractive ladies personally, I can tell you that all of them exude confidence and convey a sense of togetherness that would seem to ensure dating success. Yet thriving is thwarting their love lives. Their prospering presentation somehow attracts men in the short-term, but alienates them in the long run.

Is it any wonder that many single, successful, empowered women find themselves recovering from a series of promising relationships that mysteriously derail? Cruelly, society’s scrutiny of the situation becomes “What’s wrong with her?” It’s only natural for the woman to wonder then, too, “What’s wrong with me?”

Here are a few of the things that may be wrong with her:

She’s bringing home the bacon.

Women are moving into the workforce and don’t need anyone to take care of them — and their children. They are more educated and have careers to envy. For the last few decades, we have seen women slowly closing the gender gap in education, health and economic power. Many anthropologists have argued that we’re actually reclaiming a status we had hundreds of thousands of years ago, so we are in our element right now.

She doesn’t have to marry for sex.

Females are expressing their sexuality as never before. For better or for worse, females are having sex sooner, have more partners, marry later, have fewer kids, leave their marriages for better ones, have less remorse for the sex partners they have had, are committing adultery ... Many are also taking their sexual satisfaction into their own hands, with or without a male.

In fact, one long-term Australian study found that single women have twice as many orgasms as married women. Researchers found that 56 percent of sexually active women with no current partner could reach climax every time via self-pleasuring versus only 24 percent of the women with partners. The reason: they’re better at connecting with themselves.

She doesn’t have to be submissive.

Married or not, equality is the norm in today’s relationships. A companionate union where lovers see each other as peers is expected and demanded. If a man is a bit “old-fashioned” in his ideas over dominating a relationship, he’s got another thing coming with these women.

She can be more selective.

While single women are criticized for having standards that are too high, theirs is really a matter of not having found the right man or that they are exercising caution. She does not want to give up everything that she has worked so hard for, and forfeit the powerful part of her identity, in order to please a man.

She’s more interesting than ever.

She knows that there’s a lot more to life than planning her wedding day and how to get to the altar. She’s embracing all that life has to give her, chasing interests she wouldn’t have the time for if enmeshed in a relationship. Still, her hope is that she may find a partner equally interesting ... one day.

With all of these aspects of her life in place, the woman’s only comfort — though not very comforting — is that she’s intimidating on the dating scene. The very traits that lend themselves to success in the professional world are sabotaging her love life. There is nothing “wrong” with her.

It’s just that she’s been dealt an entirely different hand — an arguably better one at that — when it comes to finding love. And when she reminds herself of the position she’s in, she knows that it’s not a bad one. She can take her time in finding what she wants — and do it on her own terms.

The men I attract.

It's becoming quite evident that I'm doing something wrong when it comes to men.  I always tend to attract the ones that I'm not even remotely interested in.  This may be because I am genuinely nice to everyone I come in contact with.  I've come to the conclusion that many men misconstrue this and believe that my niceness translates to my romantic interest in them.  In my eyes, I'm just being nice and holding casual conversation, but then I get random proclamations of love and adoration.  My luck thus far has been slim to none.  Let me give you some examples.  When I was 18, I worked with a guy that I thought to be very attractive.  I would have been interested in him if he wasn't, well....gay!  Homosexual Harry dressed very well and we had really good conversation.  He started to pursue me and asked me out.  Hmm....maybe he's not gay, I would think to myself.  Why would I give up the opportunity to date someone just because my first instinct was wrong?  So, we dated for a while, things didn't work out, life moved on.  A year or so later I got a call from Harry and what did he tell me!?  He had a boyfriend!  Ok, so strike one...I dated the gay dude!  A couple of years later, another guy came into my life who was remotely attractive, but I had a weird feeling about him.  Let's call him John Deere, because he had this crazy obsession with anything John Deere!  It was weird, that might have been the underlying reason for my lack of interest.  My roommate at the time convinced me that he was a nice guy and that I was being to picky.  I thought that maybe she was right, so I went on some dates with him.  There was a minor spark, but nothing I wanted to pursue.  I decided that Mr. Deere and I weren't going to work out, so I communicated that to him.  Not too long after, I found out that he's MARRIED!!!  Strike 2!  Moving along with my life, dating casually, I met this absolutely beautiful man.  From the moment I saw him, I vowed that he was the most attractive man I'd seen in my life.  He was my roommates friend, and I just knew that he'd never be interested in me.  Wrong!  I was shocked!  My self esteem took a huge boost, we dated, it was great!  Until...after we had dated for probably 2 months he demanded that I quit my job so that I can dedicate all of my time to him so that he could see if I'm the one he wanted to marry!  Anyone who knows me is aware that this was the wrong move for this eager guy.  Although his looks won me over every time, I could not budge with my standards in this crazy, typical Mormon dating story.  This was just a minor loss in my life, so I didn't really think too much about it. Mr. Handsome was also cut loose from my life.  Not too long later, I met this beautiful black man.  We dated, he was hot, in the army, seemingly a good guy.  We weren't exclusive  and we would date casually.  He was dating another girl, which didn't really bother me until I got phone call from Trashy McWhitetrash's friend telling me that if I spoke with her boyfriend again she'd kill me.  Seriously?!  I mean he was good looking, but nothing to fight over!  Girl please!  Strike 3, dating a drama ridden, relationship phobic whore of a man.  Even though, I felt that I, at this point, had struck out because of my seemingly hopeless dating life, I felt the need to push on!  So, I kept my options open and again, here came another guy I truly wasn't interested in.  My friends and I called him Sweaty McSweaterson, because he sweat soooo much!  It was absolutely disgusting.  He pursued me for a while, with little or no response from me.  This caused him, in his very grown up way, to bad mouth me to everyone at church saying that I am difficult and basically to steer clear from  me on the dating scene.  How would he know what I'm like in the dating scene?  We never dated!  Just because I wasn't interested in his sweat rings, I have an issue?  Whatever!  Between all of these above mentioned guys, there were little romances here and there, but nothing that ever became anything.  I've dated the dirt bike racer, the business professional, the real estate agent, the manual laborer, the overly needy guy, the emotional wreck, the emotionally unavailable one, the overbearing type, the overly macho guy, the jerk, the tall guy, the short guy, the balding one, the body builder, the guy with kids, the divorced guy.  I've been the best friend who's the fall back for all of his lost relationships, and the girl that hopes he'll finally realize he loves me, I've been the heartbroken, I've been the heartbreaker.  I felt like I'd done it all.  I truly had a buffet of unavailable, or unwanted guys.  This was in no way upsetting to me, because through all of these experiences, I learned so much about me and what I want and don't want.  Since moving to Kansas, I haven't dated much, so my sampling in the dating world has dwindled a bit.  However, this does not mean that I have not had love proclaimed to me (very literally) from a few interesting sources.  These have come recently and it's reminding me very much of my past experiences.  One night I was out with my friends and missed 3 calls within 10 minutes from Lovestruck Luke.  I'd invited him to do things with us before and had tried to make him feel included.  Apparently, once again, he took this niceness as my interest in dating him, or falling in love with him.  So, out of those 3 calls, he left one, very heartfelt message.  I listened to it a while later and was dumb founded!  It said "I've got something to tell ya, we are getting totally wasted over here and we want you to join us!  And there's a little P.S. on that, I am in so in love with you, I just want you to come out!"  Seriously?!  I let my friend Dubya listen to it and she about died!  I'm convinced that he was so drunk that maybe his feelings for me were inflated.  Then, not too long after this lovely experience, a semi-similar situation happened.  I was helping out with a church function and was in charge of getting people to volunteer.  I did so and asked a guy from the ward to lend a hand.  We hadn't talked much before and had never hung out.  He came and helped out, I thanked him, that was the end.  Right?  NOPE!  I was getting ready to leave and a couple of us were talking.  It was brought up that I'll hopefully be moving in a couple of months for work.  This guy proceeds to tell me how upset he is with this because I'm the only one he wants to date.  Mind you, we were not the only ones in this conversation, so it was even more bizarre.  How do you respond to this?!  I felt so awkward!  How does he know I'm the only one he wants to date?  Because I'd invited him to lend service and we said approximately 10 words to each other?  Men are an unusual type, of this I'm sure!  I thought that women were typically the ones to be overly excited about someone's interest, or the ones that overanalyze every little gesture.  I don't feel that I'm flirtatious with these men, I'm just my genuine, nice self.  Are my standards too high, am I just too picky?  I don't think so, but I've been told this in the past.  My thought on the matter is:  if you're looking for someone to spend the rest of eternity with, wouldn't you take it seriously and not settle?  I've seen the negative effects of people who have jumped into relationships without really considering the consequences.  I feel that I'm better off taking my time and weeding through the crazy world of men and finding one that truly fits.

Should dating really be this complicated?!

For the past couple of years, I've grown increasingly aware of the fact that the midwest is in no way the "hot spot" for dating.  Now, don't get me wrong, there are occasionally good looking guys to appreciate, but those are few and far between.  Being 25 now, I've entered the "red zone" in Mormon dating.  Men who see 25 year old singles begin to wonder a few different things.  Of course a first question could be "why isn't she married"?  Which is a valid question.  But there are always more to follow.  These questions lead all of us normal, unmarried mid-twenty-ites to look like big fat failures!  These questions are: "what's wrong with her?  She's 25 and not married?!"  "What has she done in her past relationships that has caused a man not to marry her?", and "Is she mentally impaired in any way?"  I have some questions of my own!!  Why does a woman have to be married by the time she's 25?  Are we really "damaged goods" if we've taken time to get to know what we like and what we don't?  Are men really that threatened by a woman with a career?  And, finally, why should we be labeled as the ones with the problem?!  What I've seen to happen on a regular basis is that the men who have survived their early 20's without falling into the commitment of marriage then start seeking out the 19 and 20 year old "Hannah Montana's" to date and mold into what they think an ideal wife should be.  While that is their choice, it continues to narrow the dating market even further.  So, I've broken down and started to look into online dating.  It's embarrassing, but desperate times call for desperate measures.  I've joined a couple of Mormon dating sites in hopes that I will find someone with the same values and beliefs.  You'd think this wouldn't be an issue.  You would be wrong.  I created a profile and instantly started getting e-mails, flirts, etc.  Well, along with these messages, I got some very vulgar responses!  I couldn't believe it.  I joined a Mormon site to hopefully find a respectful, worthy priesthood holder and I get sexual proposals!?  Something is definitely wrong with this picture!  Also, many of the men that are on these sites are just as superficial as those in real life.  But, HELLO!  We're both on this site, so obviously something isn't working out in real life dating for the both of us!  I've noticed this superficial behavior predominantly with the Utards.  Weird.  I've gotten a good kick out of some of the profiles I've read, but some aren't quite accurate.  I was randomly looking one day and found a profile that stuck out.  This guy talked about how much he loved going to the gym and enjoyed working out and labeled himself as having an "athletic body type".  I have no qualms with people who are not in tip top shape, because I am by no means at my peak.  But, when you say that you're athletic, you should probably post a picture that portrays that claim, rather than one like this:

Also, in this profile, I went on to read that Athletic Allen was looking for a woman that was thin and beautiful, wears a size 2, wants to have 43 children, sews, cleans and cooks as well as his mother.  So, even though I'm an average sized, well dressed, pretty, career driven woman who can cook, I'm not even good enough for the Chubby Chet who proclaims to be an Athletic Allen?!  I read a blog from a friend of a friend who addresses this exact issue through the "Mormon Scale of Attractiveness".  It perfectly portrays the increasingly disappointing issue that we all deal with in the Mormon dating scene.  I guess the only way me and all of my fellow pathetic, 25-30 year old, non married, hopeless sisters will be to take drastic measures.  We'll need to quit our jobs, fawn over boys, bring them baked goods and pretend to have the intelligence of a door knob to be considered as "dateable".  

AMAZING customer service letter.

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets

rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I

appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or

Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa

dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in

tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary

Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how

crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and

secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the

curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting

right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging

through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll

be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with

knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen

quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers

monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating,

puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings,

crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough

time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jenifer fought the

violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill

just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken

chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just

crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the

reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful

I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always

maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words:

'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny

middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing

happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned

above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless

you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy'

about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and

lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local

Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in

a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a

moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something

that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular

Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately,

there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my

maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your

Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull

shit. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.