Stuff and things

It's been quite a while since my last entry.  Work is keeping me extremely busy.  Our doors open for business 2 weeks from today and I can't wait for life to get back to normal.  Nothing too exciting has been happening, just coming home from work and falling asleep while watching CNN.  Which brings me to the purpose of this blog.  Typically, I'm not too intrigued by politics.  This year is an entirely different story.  We're in the middle of the 2008 election.  Obama and McCain are running against each other.  A couple of months ago, McCain named Sarah Palin as his running mate.  There is so much media attention in this race and it seems as though everyone has very strong opinions on who they think should be the next President of the U.S.  I've been tuned in on a regular basis to watch debates, updates, and interviews.  I'm still not sure why out of everyone that is capable, John McCain chose Sarah Palin as his VP candidate.  She has hardly any experience and doesn't have a very good track record.  When interviewed, she comes off as a complete idiot.  Some people love her and I'm confused as to why.  Some say that she seems like a good person and relates well to the country.  To me, a persons ability to help run a country isn't determined by me feeling comfortable having a cup of coffee with them.  I want someone who's going to get the job done and not be afraid to stand up for what is right.  I believe that some don't support Obama because he's black and some don't support him because he's very intelligent.  When he speaks, he's articulate.  Our country isn't necessarily accustomed to having a President that can complete an intelligent sentence, since the past 8 years have been filled with mindless drivel and idiotic comments.  I could go on and on about my beliefs this year, but it only gets me fired up.  Election day is next month and I can't wait to see the outcome!

The envelope game

So, before I left Kansas, my friends held a funeral in my behalf.  It was so much fun!  I walked in and they had a shrine to me with candles and my ashes.  Each person at the party took turns telling what they were going to miss about me, like I actually was dead and would never return.  Dubya is always so creative in her party planning!  We had funeral type food, such as "funeral potatoes", that were sooo good, we had green jello with marshmallows (typical Mo food!) and a couple other things.  After the funeral commenced, we had time to play some games.  Dubya had been telling me about a super fun game that her friend made up.  It's called the envelope game.  The way it works: each person has an envelope, they write a question on the outside.  They pass each envelope around and each person puts an answer to the question in the envelope.  Sounds boring, right?  Well, the answers to the questions have to include someone that's in the game.  It was kind of confusing at first, but it got to be so much fun.  We all had to promise before the game started that we wouldn't get offended and that we were all just joking by the "zings" we were throwing at each other.  Once everyone has had a chance to write an answer to the questions (without letting anyone else see their answers), the game leader collects the envelopes and reads all of the questions and answers aloud.  Below are some of my favorite questions and answers.

Who's most likely to let themselves go after marriage?  You know, gain weight, get ugly...

-Morgan because his wife will tell him on the wedding night "never again"., 

-Brett, he's already started

-Jacob, he won't get a pretty girl, so he'll have to ugly up

-Missy, but how can you let yourself go when you never had it together in the first place?

-Some of you have done it BEFORE marriage!  Yikes!

-Is it already happening?  You aren't even married Suzy!

-Jake, he tries so hard already, he won't be able to keep up the maintenance!

Who would you want to go on a road trip with?

-Suzy...if it's an overnighter!

-Morgan, so he can bring his guitar and sing more depressing songs

-Greg, if I had ear plugs!

Who's likely to be a dirty mistress?

-Missy is a dirty mistress

-Jake, the sex change is coming as soon as his hair gets long enough.  Fake hair, not okay.  Fake everything else...perfectly fine.  And who is dirtier than Jake?  Exactly!

-Missy, she currently is...with her boss!

Who's most willing to make out with someone of the same sex and like it?

-Whitney, she's so desperate and is willing to do anything!

-Morgan, I'm pretty sure he did enjoy it.  Ask Jake!

-Suzy because she'll be sick of her guy friends not making  move, so she'll make out with a girl to get noticed

Who's most likely to be arrested and for what?

-Missy, indecent exposure

-Sadly Suzy, she stole my heart

Who would you like to be your super hero and why?

-Whitney, she'd be Super Boob Hammock girl.  She can make anything disappear when strategically placed between her super boobs!

-Julie, she could be the invisible woman.  Let's face it, the less we see of her, the better!

Who's most likely to pick up a prostitute?

-Whitney, I mean she picks herself up every time she's down

-I dunno, but Jake is most likely to be a cross-dressing he-she prostitute

-Suzy, only if the prostitutes name is Jake...wink!

After reading all of that you probably think that our friendships are so twisted, but try it!  It's so fun!

Life in Pittsburgh

Ok, so I finally moved to Pittsburgh.  After months and months of waiting, it happened!  Hoorah!  I left Kansas almost 2 weeks ago and the moving company is finally bringing my belongings today.  No more sleeping on an air mattress in an empty apartment.  Dubya and my friends threw me a funeral before I left, which was fantastic.  I'll be adding a post later about an awesome game we play.  It deserves it's very own post!  I've been working out of hotel offices for the past week and will be doing so until the end of next month.  Then I'll finally get to move into our brand new building and my brand new office...can't wait.  

Shelly got me reading the most intense books of all time!  The Twilight series.  I'm almost embarrassed to say that I'm actually reading them because basically they are teenage romance novels.  Eek!  Shelly convinced me to read the first one "Twilight" because it was awesome.  I was very leery of this, because all in all I'm not a big reader.  I never have been.  In school I would buy the notes from the books so I wouldn't have to read them!  So, I read "Twilight" (about 500 pages) in about 3 days.  I couldn't believe it!  I got sucked in.  Then I decided that I HAD to read the next one to see what would happen.  I read New Moon (almost 600 pages) in 1 day!!!!  Seriously?!  I started Eclipse last night and read about a third of it.  I don't know what it is about these books that just lures me in, but I'm obsessed!  I'm sure there will be posts dedicated to these books.  The 4th book just came out and I can't wait to get it, and then she's writing a 5th as well!  I guess it's good that I have these books to obsess over because as of right now, I have no friends!  Boo!  

I'm moving to Pittsburgh!

Finally!  I got offered the HR Manager position in Pittsburgh!  I'll be moving at the end of this month and am super psyched about it.  I'll be going out for a house/apartment hunting trip in the next couple of weeks and hopefully be able to find something perfect for me that's not in the ghetto where I'd hear gunshots all night.  Yikes!  Seeing how I've never been to Pittsburgh, I don't know what to expect.  Missy lives here with me and it looks like she'll be moving back to Indy to be with the family.  I can't wait!

Am I moving, or not?

As you may know, I am a very career driven person.  My career is pretty much the focal point of my life.  Some may disapprove of my lifestyle, or mild obsession with my work, but I am one of the few that can honesty say that I love my job.  I go each day ready for whatever is thrown at me, because no 2 days are the same.  I work with great people and feel a great accomplishment from my day to day successes.  I have been working with the same company for almost 6 years and have been in my current role for almost 4 of them.  I haven't had much disappointment with my career up to this point, because my company is awesome!  However, I'm stressing out right now!  I'm totally putting the cart before the horse here, but this is causing severe anxiety!  Not good!  I've put my name in for a job transfer.  At first I wasn't too excited about the new location, but after having done extensive research and putting lots of thought into it, I finally started getting excited about the possible opportunity.  The city is perfect for me, it's closer to my family and it is a new challenge.  I've been here for 2 years and have learned a lot and really would like the chance to apply what I've learned to a new position.  So, here is where the anxiety is coming from: I don't know if I'm going to get the job!  I hate the waiting process, it's killing me!  Of course, I feel that I'm the best candidate, but then again...who doesn't think that about themselves?!  I interviewed this week, and should be finding out for sure next week.  I'm convinced that I'm going to have bleeding ulcers by then or have a panic attack!

Shelly came into town this weekend to have a girls weekend.  We just hung out and did a whole lot of nothing!  It was awesome!  She came in Thursday night and left Monday.  My favorite part of the weekend was Saturday.  We went to the day spa, it was awesome!  We got facials, massages, body scrubs and body wraps.  Heavenly!  

Child friendly?

I went out with Dubya this evening and we had quite an adventure.  I can't describe all of the things we experienced in this post, but there is one event that stuck out to me.  We went into a relatively nice restaurant to grab what we thought would be a nice quiet dinner.  We were seated and immediately heard the screaming of a young girl at the table next to us.  Our waiter came, we ordered food, we were conversing and having a relatively decent time.  Again, the disruptions ensued.  Throughout our meal there were tantrums thrown, drinks knocked over, unnecessary screams, demands for attention, crying, refusal to eat her food, etc.  I thought back to a recent discussion I heard on a local radio station.  The topic of discussion was on places that are/aren't appropriate to take your children.  One of the radio announcers said that children should be banned from restaurants so that innocent bystanders don't have to suffer from the dronings of angry children.  I believe that his opinion is a bit extreme, yet has some validity.  An Applebee's, in my opinion is child friendly.  But, why do people feel it's necessary to take their children to upscale restaurants?  Are their kid's taste that developed that only 5 star restaurant food will do?  Do kids not eat mac and cheese or pizza anymore?  I have no issue with well behaved children, I rather like them!  I just get annoyed when people bring their unruly children out and interrupt a meal that I pay good money to enjoy.  If I would have acted in any way as this little girl did, I would have been removed from the restaurant immediately by one of my parents until I was able to control myself.  I don't have children, so I'm not the expert on how to deal with them.  I may find out later that the solution to these problems are not at all what I think they should be.  But, nonetheless, currently I am a single person that enjoys quiet time and the ability to converse without disruption while I enjoy a meal.

FOXSexpert: Successful, Yet Single. A Uniquely Female Conundrum

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

By Yvonne K. Fulbright

 FNC

Yvonne K. Fulbright

She’s choosing not to marry. She doesn’t care if she’s attached — at least some of the time.

She isn’t problematically picky. She doesn’t have a fear of commitment. She doesn’t have any major issues or baggage. So what’s “wrong” with the single, successful, empowered female? Society wants to know. Sometimes, she wants to know herself.

We have witnessed a more dramatic change in female sexuality — and marriage, for that matter — in the last 30 years than occurred in the previous 5,000.

This is in large part thanks to enormous progress made in the realms of gender equality and greater female autonomy. With this sociological shift, we’ve seen the rise of flourishing females, many of whom are surprisingly single. The brainteaser with these deities of desirability is that many of them are choosing to be single — at least to a certain point.

Single, empowered, successful women are here to stay. Yet, with their profound presence, meeting potential partners, dating, finding romance and building relationships in the traditional American sense have been thrown into chaos.

This woman wants love, companionship, and commitment. And she’s willing to put herself out there for it. But — and this is a huge but — she’s not willing to compromise who she is or what she has rightfully earned, as is often the expectation.

While it’s easy to fault ignorant or intimidated males for not stepping up or evolving themselves, it’s no wonder that they don’t know what to do. They haven’t been bred to handle this new breed of babes. The results have been nothing but disastrous on the dating front, as women have told me:

— “My biggest problem these days is being more educated than the men I am dating. It seems to be an ‘issue’ at some level, although they don’t go so far as to say this is the real reason!”

— “I am finding that some of the men I am meeting have a lot of issues with my success. This baggage comes in the form of preconceived notions about types of women (career women, single women, etc.). They think they know everything there is to know about the ‘type’ of person I am, which isn’t always attractive, and it is simply silly …”

— “The men I date seem to think that chivalry is dead given today’s female empowerment — and it’s not! I hate not being treated like a lady on a date.”

— “I’m still waiting for the Oprah show featuring a bunch of single men lined up, ready to receive training on how to adapt to the needs and desires of today’s single, successful women — instead of it always being us accommodating them!”

In knowing these attractive ladies personally, I can tell you that all of them exude confidence and convey a sense of togetherness that would seem to ensure dating success. Yet thriving is thwarting their love lives. Their prospering presentation somehow attracts men in the short-term, but alienates them in the long run.

Is it any wonder that many single, successful, empowered women find themselves recovering from a series of promising relationships that mysteriously derail? Cruelly, society’s scrutiny of the situation becomes “What’s wrong with her?” It’s only natural for the woman to wonder then, too, “What’s wrong with me?”

Here are a few of the things that may be wrong with her:

She’s bringing home the bacon.

Women are moving into the workforce and don’t need anyone to take care of them — and their children. They are more educated and have careers to envy. For the last few decades, we have seen women slowly closing the gender gap in education, health and economic power. Many anthropologists have argued that we’re actually reclaiming a status we had hundreds of thousands of years ago, so we are in our element right now.

She doesn’t have to marry for sex.

Females are expressing their sexuality as never before. For better or for worse, females are having sex sooner, have more partners, marry later, have fewer kids, leave their marriages for better ones, have less remorse for the sex partners they have had, are committing adultery ... Many are also taking their sexual satisfaction into their own hands, with or without a male.

In fact, one long-term Australian study found that single women have twice as many orgasms as married women. Researchers found that 56 percent of sexually active women with no current partner could reach climax every time via self-pleasuring versus only 24 percent of the women with partners. The reason: they’re better at connecting with themselves.

She doesn’t have to be submissive.

Married or not, equality is the norm in today’s relationships. A companionate union where lovers see each other as peers is expected and demanded. If a man is a bit “old-fashioned” in his ideas over dominating a relationship, he’s got another thing coming with these women.

She can be more selective.

While single women are criticized for having standards that are too high, theirs is really a matter of not having found the right man or that they are exercising caution. She does not want to give up everything that she has worked so hard for, and forfeit the powerful part of her identity, in order to please a man.

She’s more interesting than ever.

She knows that there’s a lot more to life than planning her wedding day and how to get to the altar. She’s embracing all that life has to give her, chasing interests she wouldn’t have the time for if enmeshed in a relationship. Still, her hope is that she may find a partner equally interesting ... one day.

With all of these aspects of her life in place, the woman’s only comfort — though not very comforting — is that she’s intimidating on the dating scene. The very traits that lend themselves to success in the professional world are sabotaging her love life. There is nothing “wrong” with her.

It’s just that she’s been dealt an entirely different hand — an arguably better one at that — when it comes to finding love. And when she reminds herself of the position she’s in, she knows that it’s not a bad one. She can take her time in finding what she wants — and do it on her own terms.

The men I attract.

It's becoming quite evident that I'm doing something wrong when it comes to men.  I always tend to attract the ones that I'm not even remotely interested in.  This may be because I am genuinely nice to everyone I come in contact with.  I've come to the conclusion that many men misconstrue this and believe that my niceness translates to my romantic interest in them.  In my eyes, I'm just being nice and holding casual conversation, but then I get random proclamations of love and adoration.  My luck thus far has been slim to none.  Let me give you some examples.  When I was 18, I worked with a guy that I thought to be very attractive.  I would have been interested in him if he wasn't, well....gay!  Homosexual Harry dressed very well and we had really good conversation.  He started to pursue me and asked me out.  Hmm....maybe he's not gay, I would think to myself.  Why would I give up the opportunity to date someone just because my first instinct was wrong?  So, we dated for a while, things didn't work out, life moved on.  A year or so later I got a call from Harry and what did he tell me!?  He had a boyfriend!  Ok, so strike one...I dated the gay dude!  A couple of years later, another guy came into my life who was remotely attractive, but I had a weird feeling about him.  Let's call him John Deere, because he had this crazy obsession with anything John Deere!  It was weird, that might have been the underlying reason for my lack of interest.  My roommate at the time convinced me that he was a nice guy and that I was being to picky.  I thought that maybe she was right, so I went on some dates with him.  There was a minor spark, but nothing I wanted to pursue.  I decided that Mr. Deere and I weren't going to work out, so I communicated that to him.  Not too long after, I found out that he's MARRIED!!!  Strike 2!  Moving along with my life, dating casually, I met this absolutely beautiful man.  From the moment I saw him, I vowed that he was the most attractive man I'd seen in my life.  He was my roommates friend, and I just knew that he'd never be interested in me.  Wrong!  I was shocked!  My self esteem took a huge boost, we dated, it was great!  Until...after we had dated for probably 2 months he demanded that I quit my job so that I can dedicate all of my time to him so that he could see if I'm the one he wanted to marry!  Anyone who knows me is aware that this was the wrong move for this eager guy.  Although his looks won me over every time, I could not budge with my standards in this crazy, typical Mormon dating story.  This was just a minor loss in my life, so I didn't really think too much about it. Mr. Handsome was also cut loose from my life.  Not too long later, I met this beautiful black man.  We dated, he was hot, in the army, seemingly a good guy.  We weren't exclusive  and we would date casually.  He was dating another girl, which didn't really bother me until I got phone call from Trashy McWhitetrash's friend telling me that if I spoke with her boyfriend again she'd kill me.  Seriously?!  I mean he was good looking, but nothing to fight over!  Girl please!  Strike 3, dating a drama ridden, relationship phobic whore of a man.  Even though, I felt that I, at this point, had struck out because of my seemingly hopeless dating life, I felt the need to push on!  So, I kept my options open and again, here came another guy I truly wasn't interested in.  My friends and I called him Sweaty McSweaterson, because he sweat soooo much!  It was absolutely disgusting.  He pursued me for a while, with little or no response from me.  This caused him, in his very grown up way, to bad mouth me to everyone at church saying that I am difficult and basically to steer clear from  me on the dating scene.  How would he know what I'm like in the dating scene?  We never dated!  Just because I wasn't interested in his sweat rings, I have an issue?  Whatever!  Between all of these above mentioned guys, there were little romances here and there, but nothing that ever became anything.  I've dated the dirt bike racer, the business professional, the real estate agent, the manual laborer, the overly needy guy, the emotional wreck, the emotionally unavailable one, the overbearing type, the overly macho guy, the jerk, the tall guy, the short guy, the balding one, the body builder, the guy with kids, the divorced guy.  I've been the best friend who's the fall back for all of his lost relationships, and the girl that hopes he'll finally realize he loves me, I've been the heartbroken, I've been the heartbreaker.  I felt like I'd done it all.  I truly had a buffet of unavailable, or unwanted guys.  This was in no way upsetting to me, because through all of these experiences, I learned so much about me and what I want and don't want.  Since moving to Kansas, I haven't dated much, so my sampling in the dating world has dwindled a bit.  However, this does not mean that I have not had love proclaimed to me (very literally) from a few interesting sources.  These have come recently and it's reminding me very much of my past experiences.  One night I was out with my friends and missed 3 calls within 10 minutes from Lovestruck Luke.  I'd invited him to do things with us before and had tried to make him feel included.  Apparently, once again, he took this niceness as my interest in dating him, or falling in love with him.  So, out of those 3 calls, he left one, very heartfelt message.  I listened to it a while later and was dumb founded!  It said "I've got something to tell ya, we are getting totally wasted over here and we want you to join us!  And there's a little P.S. on that, I am in so in love with you, I just want you to come out!"  Seriously?!  I let my friend Dubya listen to it and she about died!  I'm convinced that he was so drunk that maybe his feelings for me were inflated.  Then, not too long after this lovely experience, a semi-similar situation happened.  I was helping out with a church function and was in charge of getting people to volunteer.  I did so and asked a guy from the ward to lend a hand.  We hadn't talked much before and had never hung out.  He came and helped out, I thanked him, that was the end.  Right?  NOPE!  I was getting ready to leave and a couple of us were talking.  It was brought up that I'll hopefully be moving in a couple of months for work.  This guy proceeds to tell me how upset he is with this because I'm the only one he wants to date.  Mind you, we were not the only ones in this conversation, so it was even more bizarre.  How do you respond to this?!  I felt so awkward!  How does he know I'm the only one he wants to date?  Because I'd invited him to lend service and we said approximately 10 words to each other?  Men are an unusual type, of this I'm sure!  I thought that women were typically the ones to be overly excited about someone's interest, or the ones that overanalyze every little gesture.  I don't feel that I'm flirtatious with these men, I'm just my genuine, nice self.  Are my standards too high, am I just too picky?  I don't think so, but I've been told this in the past.  My thought on the matter is:  if you're looking for someone to spend the rest of eternity with, wouldn't you take it seriously and not settle?  I've seen the negative effects of people who have jumped into relationships without really considering the consequences.  I feel that I'm better off taking my time and weeding through the crazy world of men and finding one that truly fits.

Should dating really be this complicated?!

For the past couple of years, I've grown increasingly aware of the fact that the midwest is in no way the "hot spot" for dating.  Now, don't get me wrong, there are occasionally good looking guys to appreciate, but those are few and far between.  Being 25 now, I've entered the "red zone" in Mormon dating.  Men who see 25 year old singles begin to wonder a few different things.  Of course a first question could be "why isn't she married"?  Which is a valid question.  But there are always more to follow.  These questions lead all of us normal, unmarried mid-twenty-ites to look like big fat failures!  These questions are: "what's wrong with her?  She's 25 and not married?!"  "What has she done in her past relationships that has caused a man not to marry her?", and "Is she mentally impaired in any way?"  I have some questions of my own!!  Why does a woman have to be married by the time she's 25?  Are we really "damaged goods" if we've taken time to get to know what we like and what we don't?  Are men really that threatened by a woman with a career?  And, finally, why should we be labeled as the ones with the problem?!  What I've seen to happen on a regular basis is that the men who have survived their early 20's without falling into the commitment of marriage then start seeking out the 19 and 20 year old "Hannah Montana's" to date and mold into what they think an ideal wife should be.  While that is their choice, it continues to narrow the dating market even further.  So, I've broken down and started to look into online dating.  It's embarrassing, but desperate times call for desperate measures.  I've joined a couple of Mormon dating sites in hopes that I will find someone with the same values and beliefs.  You'd think this wouldn't be an issue.  You would be wrong.  I created a profile and instantly started getting e-mails, flirts, etc.  Well, along with these messages, I got some very vulgar responses!  I couldn't believe it.  I joined a Mormon site to hopefully find a respectful, worthy priesthood holder and I get sexual proposals!?  Something is definitely wrong with this picture!  Also, many of the men that are on these sites are just as superficial as those in real life.  But, HELLO!  We're both on this site, so obviously something isn't working out in real life dating for the both of us!  I've noticed this superficial behavior predominantly with the Utards.  Weird.  I've gotten a good kick out of some of the profiles I've read, but some aren't quite accurate.  I was randomly looking one day and found a profile that stuck out.  This guy talked about how much he loved going to the gym and enjoyed working out and labeled himself as having an "athletic body type".  I have no qualms with people who are not in tip top shape, because I am by no means at my peak.  But, when you say that you're athletic, you should probably post a picture that portrays that claim, rather than one like this:

Also, in this profile, I went on to read that Athletic Allen was looking for a woman that was thin and beautiful, wears a size 2, wants to have 43 children, sews, cleans and cooks as well as his mother.  So, even though I'm an average sized, well dressed, pretty, career driven woman who can cook, I'm not even good enough for the Chubby Chet who proclaims to be an Athletic Allen?!  I read a blog from a friend of a friend who addresses this exact issue through the "Mormon Scale of Attractiveness".  It perfectly portrays the increasingly disappointing issue that we all deal with in the Mormon dating scene.  I guess the only way me and all of my fellow pathetic, 25-30 year old, non married, hopeless sisters will be to take drastic measures.  We'll need to quit our jobs, fawn over boys, bring them baked goods and pretend to have the intelligence of a door knob to be considered as "dateable".  

AMAZING customer service letter.

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets

rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I

appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or

Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa

dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in

tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary

Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how

crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and

secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the

curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting

right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging

through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll

be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with

knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen

quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers

monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating,

puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings,

crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough

time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jenifer fought the

violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill

just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken

chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just

crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the

reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful

I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always

maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words:

'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny

middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing

happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned

above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless

you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy'

about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and

lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local

Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in

a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a

moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something

that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular

Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately,

there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my

maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your

Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull

shit. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.

Why take a back seat?!

Here is another favorite e-mail sent to Dubya on a day I felt extremely convicted in the worth of women.  

"Oh, I have a feeling this is going to be great!  I bet you $1 that they hang out all day today because she doesn't have school and he can slack off and not go to work!  I wonder if he told her any truths about himself!  If he did, that's a huge step!  I thought about this on the way to work and I think you need to copy and paste this into an e-mail:

 

Hey,

Good morning dear friend!  I heard a small rumor that Vegas got a love letter on her car last night and that it was from RTFB!  At first nothing about this situation was the least bit odd, but then I realized that RTFB has no idea where Vegas lives or what her phone number is.  So, then I got to thinking and I remembered that he was hanging out with you last night.  So, I'm putting 2 and 2 together her (let me know if I'm way off base) that you probably were a part of this whole situation.  I thought "that's great that she wants Vegas and RTFB to date" but then again something wasn't quite fitting together.  Ah ha!  I remembered, it's that you have a big fat secret crush on him!!! So I'm kind of confused as to why you would intentionally lead him to another girl.  This is really strange, unless you've overcome your deep eternal crush and realized that you two are better friends than lovers.  This has to be the case, because it would be absolutely ludicrous for you to be a part of, and even endorse, him pursuing one of your friends.  I hope that you aren't taking a back seat and hoping secretly that RTFB and Vegas will not work out and he will some how fall for you due to the fact that you're such a good friend that you put your personal feelings aside to make him realize that you truly are the one for him!  RTFB is a grown man and doesn't need your help in finding someone to date/love.  And you don't deserve to sit on the side lines and wait for someone to finally figure out how absolutely fantastic you truly are.  If he doesn't see all of this on his own, pushing him off on another woman surely isn't going to do it.  You shouldn't have to convince someone of how kind, caring and compassionate you are.  These are all characteristics that you have and it saddens me to think that you don't seemingly recognize them in yourself.  I say this because if you did, you would know that any man worthy of your time would see these as endearing qualities and have a true desire to be with you and not selfishly ask you to put your feelings aside for him to pursue someone else.  I'm not trying to discredit RTFB at all, he is a great guy and anyone would be crazy not to see all of his good qualities.  He might be the best guy in the world, but he may not be the best guy for you.  I love you and want to see the best for you, because I see the best in you.  You deserve someone that sees all of your qualities at first glance and that can't live his life without you. 

 

Sincerely,

Dubya

 

 

Enough said?!  I have to tell you that I was typing all of that so fast and with such conviction that I almost broke the keyboard!  It angers me when women can't see their divine worth and think that they have to just wait around for a man to validate it!!!!!!!! Come on ladies! 

 

Ok, maybe I should step down off of my soap box for the day.  I've felt so adamant about so many things that I think my soap box deserves a rest!

 

I think that you should call your bf.  And let me tell you why!  *soap box again...I think!*  Remember how yesterday you kept telling me that I needed to call that guy to get him to come hang out because I hadn't exhausted all means of trying to contact him?!  Granted, I don't have a crush on him and don't want him to be my eternal companion, but it's the same thing!  If you want Mickey to hang out with us and you have a true desire to get to know him better, you have to be willing to take the plunge and just CALL HIM!  The only true way for this to end (or begin for that matter) is if you take it into your hands and (wo)man up and do it!  I feel the need to write you a letter from me too!!!

 

Dubya,

Hello dearest friend!  I can't help but think continually about your situation with your future husband, with whom you'll have beautiful children.  I thought to myself, "Dubya is so great and I don't know how to get her to believe it".  Here goes:

Figure out what you are going to do with Mickey. What is the hold he has on you girl? Now I am good at giving someone else advice, but can't live by what I tell people. Anyway, hear what I say 'chile! Enjoy life! You are a superstar! You are a cutie pie, smart, trendy, nice shape, and a mouth on you that can run away any riff-raff! You are a Diva, honey and you rock in my book! That is saying something, because you know I think I am the Diva of all time! LOL!Anyway, you are SEXY, (not in a gay way). My Mom always used to tell me, sexy is a state of mind, your beauty is in the inside and it exudes on the outside. Sexy is not how your body looks or wearing short skirts to let your legs show and your boobies out. Sexy is a state of mind, an attitude, a certain way you think. I have always been told by men that I was sexy and I didn't understand it because I am a larger woman and I hate my chicken legs. When I would explain this to my girls they would always start talking about how real mean love "sexy" women. A woman with a good job, a woman who can walk with her head high, a woman who has it together (or at least appear that way). The way she walks, talks, and keeps her cool. Dub, you are all of those things! So just sit back , chill and enjoy life. Yo' man is 'roun da corna!

Yours in Zion,

Zee"

Hi, are we still 15?!

My dear friend Dubya and I have continual e-mails throughout the day at work.  We often times send things that are "nothing short of amazing" and leave both of us rolling with laughter and wanting more.  This was one instance that we both got a good laugh.  This particular group of roommates continues to have issues that are rather juvenile, so we tend to find humor on the drama.  

 

Hello fellow fan club member!!!

Last night was crazy! I got woken up again in the middle of the night. boo! Well I got an email from our favorite person in the world today and thought you'd like to see what it said. Kind of funny. I'm so excited for the fan club preparations/founding ceremony to begin tonight!!! :) I guess this is an issue they've talked about because this happens basically every night and Debbie Downer's (DD) reasoning was "well I've done it since I was 16 so I just don't know any differently" Hi you have 3 other roommates you need to respect! And if you agree in a roommate meeting to not do things anymore...then do it! And don't keep talking about other peoples issues in front of others!

 

Ok read on.....

 

"What awesome storms last night huh??  Well the hail woke me up at 2am and so I went upstairs, Lisa came down b/c she was concerned too and who was there on the floor under blankets?......YUP!  You guessed it!  I came up in my g's and hello there is a boy in the house.  I am not her mother but come on, what's the dealio?  We all watched the news and then I headed to bed once it calmed down.  I woke up this morning just to find them in the same spot!!  Interesting.

Dubya

Oh WOW!  I have so many things to say in response!

1.  It really doesn't matter if you've had a habit since you were 16 if it is offensive.  You have to find a way to change it.  That would be like saying that I've had the habit of punching all people named Aaron since I was 18 and just don't feel the need to stop.  Come on!

2.  They aren't "together" anymore...enough said

3.  Why does DD have absolutely no respect for anyone?!  Obviously they don't want guys spending the night, so she needs to respect that.  If she wants to go sleep at his house, that's her own decision, but don't impose on your roommates.

4.  What did they think they were hiding under a blanket?!  Seriously?!

5.  Why doesn't anyone show their anger to DD?!  She's not going to learn until someone completely blows up at her.  And not a censored blow up either, a real, livid, in your face blow up!  Everyone just sluffs it off and hopes it will get better.

6.  How is it that she's grown up to not have any kind of accountability?

7.  What were Lisa's thoughts on all of this?

8.  What does he see in her.  I'm not quite sure at this point.  If she's always negative and she is a slob and bad mouths everyone, why would he want to be around?  I mean, is she really THAT beautiful that he can't see past it?  I've never met anyone that good looking that I'd stick around even if they had the worst attitude in the world!

9.  Why don't they just kick her out?

10.  I also can't wait until this evenings festivities.  It's just getting to the point the it's so petty that sarcasm is the only way to go! 

Zee

Seriously?!

For the past couple of seasons, for some reason I've been really enjoying reality TV shows.  To be honest, there really is no worth to these shows, but for a short time helps each of us to feel better about our lives.  This is, of course, because all of the "contestants" on these shows make absolute fools of themselves and act like complete idiots!  My favorite to date is Brett Michaels Rock of Love.  Absolutely priceless.  Anyway...this season I let a couple of friends convince me that "The Bachelor" is the best show of all time.  I watched with anticipation for the final 3 weeks and found myself growing more and more attached to the show.  I deeply hoped that Amanda would be the love of his life and they would live happily ever after.  Unfortunately, Amanda was surprisingly kicked off of the show leaving 2 girls left.  The next week, I again watched with hopes that Chelsea would be the final one, because Shayne was just plain obnoxious and quite frankly, a typical blonde bimbo!  The final episode came, Dubya, Vegas and I watched with sheer anticipation and to our dismay the idiot chose Shayne!!!  I was so upset with myself that I wasted 3 weeks watching this ridiculous show.  Before my short obsession with "The Bachelor" I became increasingly attached to American Idol.  I have to admit that I've been an avid fan for the past couple of years.  However, the intensity was much greater this year.  From the auditions to the finale I was a die hard David Archulta fan.  He wooed us week after week with his sultry, well controlled voice.  He was on spot each week and proved that he has what it takes to be an American Idol.  The final week came and the two finalists were of course David Archuleta and David Cook.  David C is from KC, which is where I live, so the whole city was cheering for his victory.  Since the beginning, I was a David A fan and I was going to stick with it until the end.  Well, tonight was the finale.  We sat and watched anticipating the fateful moment when we were sure that our favorite contender would be named the next big star!  He had a flawless night last night, how could he not win?  The moment came, the announcement was made and David COOK won!  We were so disappointed.  How could he win?!  Every song sounds the same, and he's going to be guaranteed a record deal?  Am I really going to have to hear him on the radio time and time again?!  After this announcement, I again was upset with myself that I've spent so much time doing nothing productive.  2 hours a week to sit in front of the tv and cheer for someone and be fully emotionally invested in their success.  I think in disgust of all of the things I could have done instead of laze around and grow increasingly attached to these mindless shows.  I eventually will learn my lesson and turn the damn tv off!  

Gas...or Gun?

Recession, recession, recession. That's all that we're hearing these days. The economy suffers, gas prices are high and unemployment is on the rise. Many businesses are making efforts to save consumers money and to continue to improve the economy. You hear all the time that if you buy a car at "car dealership X" you can get a years worth of gas for free. This sounds appealing, right? Of course it does! With gas being around $3.50 per gallon, anyone in their right mind would jump at the opportunity for free gas! However, in the state of Missouri a genius car dealer came up with the idea to give consumers an option for their "free gift". This is really quite smart because not all customers look for the same incentives, so it's pretty generous of this dealer to give us a choice! Customers who purchase a car from their lot can choose between free gas OR a semi automatic hand gun!!!! Seriously?! I about died! Below is the article that was on KMBC news. It's absolutely magical!
BUTLER, Mo. -- A local car dealer is holding a controversial promotion involving guns.
Max Motors in Butler is offering anyone who buys a car the choice of $250 in gas or a free semi-automatic handgun.
"Like I say, it's a choice -- protection or gas," said Walter Moore with Max Motors.
Moore said he came up with the gas or guns promotion.
"We got high gas prices, theft, carjackings, innocent people getting hurt," Moore told KMBC's Chris Nagus.
So far, the handgun is a more popular choice.
"Right now were running 80 percent toward the gun," Moore said.
"Love guns, we all need to have guns," said Jerry Hertzog, who was buying a new truck. "Guns or gas or fuel, I'll take the gun anytime."
But the idea isn't popular with everyone. One viewer told KMBC that he believes the promotion is dangerous.
"I don't understand what's the bad idea. Telling people they have a right to protect themselves," Moore said.
Moore said most of his customers already own weapons.
"I get in a vehicle to bid a trade, there are guns in the seats, guns in the back windows. Everybody has a gun -- there's no backlash," Moore said.
Moore said the dealership will hand the customer a certificate to get the gun, but you must pass a background check.
The local police chief said he is OK with the promotion as long as the weapons aren't handed out at the dealership.

I'm still in awe of this. 80% of all of the customers are choosing the hand gun?! I have a couple of thoughts on this. First, how would anyone come up with the idea to give away a free gun with the purchase of a car?! The two don't go together at all. It's not like saying that you'll give a free dvd player with the purchase of a tv! Cars and guns aren't in anyway associated with each other! Second, you can tell that the dealer isn't quite at scholar level, because he started out a sentence with "We got high gas prices....". I'd be willing to bet that he wasn't the smartest kid in English class. Finally, I am shocked by the fact that there is such a positive response to a free gun! I'm sure people are going to this specific dealer instead of the competition simply for the fact that they will get a free gun! I'm convinced that this only happens in the midwest. This reaffirms every stereotype that the only thing people in the midwest have to do is shoot things and marry their relatives. I've been considering buying a new car, so I may head out to Butler, Mo and see what kind of gun I can get with the purchase of my brand new, oversized, 4X4 truck with a gun rack in the back!

Who said Kansas wasn't amazing?!

The summer of 2007 came and went with a flash. The festivities were amazing and the “fun meter” was broken time and time again. Whether we were playing beach volleyball, blowing up watermelons or going to a theme park, fun was had wherever we went. Dubya and I were talking at the beginning of 2008 and decided that there was absolutely no way that this year would top last year. This is due mainly to the fact that Estacia and her gang weren’t going to be in Kansas City to liven up the activities. The forecast for the entire summer was predicted to be doom and gloom, there was really nothing to look forward to. UNTIL!! The Weekend-o-Fun occurred! What did this Weekend-o-Fun consist of, you may ask!? Too many absolutely amazing things to put to words! However I’ll try to portray the most amazing parts…Tin foil dinners over a camp fire that turned out to be absolutely disgusting. This normally wouldn’t be funny, but Dubya’s got so burned that she only got about 2 bites that she drenched in ketchup. We knew we should have bought hot dogs, but despite our better judgment, we were forced to eat charred potatoes, carrots and beef. Gross!The next day was probably one of the most amazing days in history. It probably ranks up there with the discovery of America, Neil Armstrong walking on the moon, and Edison’s invention of the light bulb. I know what you’re thinking, those were all amazing events in time! But, Saturday, May 17th, 2008 will forever go down in the record books as “the day that demolished the fun meter”. Only few were present for the full amazement of this day, but those who were will always remember…It began as an apparently normal Saturday, but the events kept building and building to be more and more great. The day finally ended with a trip to the Smithville Carnival. This by far was my favorite activity of the weekend. We arrived ready for whatever was to come our way. Most people go to a carnival to enjoy the rides, the food or just the atmosphere. But not us! The most exciting thing for us was the carny folk! And, yes, there are pictures with Louie and Dubya hanging out with our favorite carny! Practically toothless, tattoo ridden and a smoky odor may deter some from spending quality time with any of these treasured people, but not us! We rode rides, we ate funnel cake, we laughed, we completely took in the entire experience to its fullest. The only regret that I had this whole evening was not getting my picture taken on the fire truck with all of the dreamy firemen!After all of this greatness, some may not be able to continue. But, Sunday came and we were bound and determined to make this day just as great as the previous one. We planned a picnic to a near by art museum and invited a couple of friends to join us. We had a delightful sack lunch and deep conversation. We were convinced for a split second that we saw Michael Jackson, which really would have topped the weekend off! We enjoyed our time basking in the sun and spending time together as friends. We then wandered to a grassy field with numerous, larger than life, shuttle cocks. Intrigued, we climbed on them for pictures to document this momentous occasion, only to be told by security to get off of the art work!The day was coming to a close, which saddened all of us because this truly was a weekend to remember. We ended the day with a movie and a session of “Guitar Hero”. I believe we all felt completely satisfied with the events that occurred. We will always reminisce fondly about the weekend of May 16th, 2008. Friendships were strengthened, emotions were flying full throttle, and a tiny bit of romance was present. I ask you, how could this weekend have been improved?! I say unto you…it is not possible! I now doubt mine and Dubya's previous conversation that 2008 and will never come close to the amazingness of 2007. If this weekend is any indication of what is to come, all I can say is “Ladies! Buckle up, this is going to be a wild ride!”

So, my friend Dubya created a blog for her, Vegas and me. I thoroughly enjoyed my first and only blog so decided that I need a personal one to write all of my random thoughts. Prepare for the constant ridiculous thoughts that come!